I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
