WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
