onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
