I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
