Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
