I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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