Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
