dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
