It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
