Ambien. No doubt about it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
