I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
