nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
