Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
