Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
