Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
