I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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