YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
