I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
