Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
