We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
