dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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