Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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