Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
