So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
