I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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