I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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