I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
