I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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