I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
