so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
