She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
