why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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