you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
