am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
