Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
