anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
