i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
