I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
