So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
