and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
