Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
