I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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