I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
