when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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