I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
