I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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