had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
