sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
