That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
