I just pynch a tree in the face
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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