I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
