Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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