i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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