so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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