Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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